The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude - Books

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Editorial Reviews:

Product Description

Many of us find ourselves confronted with rudeness every day and don’t know how to respond. From the intrusive cell-phone user who holds loud conversations in public to the hostile highway driver who cuts one off with a quick swerve of his car, politeness seems to be on a downward spiral, surprising us at every turn. P.M. Forni, the author of Choosing Civility, has the answer. knows that rudeness begets rudeness and, in The Civility Solution, he shows us what to do when confronted with bad behavior by being assertive as well as civil. In more than one hundred different situations, he shows us how to break the rudeness cycle by responding to a variety of confrontations from bullying to rude internet behavior or the hurtful words of an insensitive family member. How would you respond to the following?

…A salesperson ignores your requests

…A fellow driver gives you the infamous “finger”

…Your child’s playmate misbehaves

…Your boss publicly reprimands you

P. M. Forni has solutions for all of these and many more. In yet another simple and practical handbook, P. M. Forni presents logical solutions that reinforce good behavior and make our world a more civil place.

Customer Reviews:

3 out of 5 stars

Pollyanna would not have participated in the Boston Tea Party . . . July 29, 2008
0 out of 16 found this review helpful

If one is mesmerized by the love-in miasma of Deepak Chopra and Scott Peck, you're going to revel in this collection of a how-to-turn-the-other-cheek and always-come-out-smelling-like-a-rose-manual for those whose cowardice needs to be masked lest it be dealt with squarely and forthrightly. Nothing like self-hypnosis . . . I suggest, after having read this and Forni's companion piece (he simply changes the cases of the pronouns, but the sucking up is identical), the reader, for starters, apply all one has gleaned to such little situations as the colonists (you select the one you like the most--you know, Franklin or Washington or Jefferson or one of them there guys . . . )dealing with George III's representatives (but first you'll have to find historians willing to name any of them). However, history does appear to have a number of those who would praise Forni's nambi-pambi approach . . . Neville Chamberlain and Joseph Kennedy with their, in retrospect, outrageous behavior prior to the outbreak of World War II. One simply must question the ostensibly unlimited acquiescence implied by Forni and his acolytes. For those for whom judging the quality of a man by who his enemies are, this is a read to test one's self control.

5 out of 5 stars

Required reading for all Humans July 6, 2008
0 out of 1 found this review helpful

Both of Forni's books should be required reading for everyone. Although I wish it wasn't necessary, so many suggestions for situations he presents bring an opportunity for discussion. After listening to my peer groups and young adults, I was ready to offer everyone his books to all for humane reasons. The answers to common sense situations i thought, woke me up to how much work still needs to be accomplished regarding the human condition.

5 out of 5 stars

Dr. Forni on Civility June 30, 2008
7 out of 8 found this review helpful

Dr. Forni has written clearly and cogently about an inspired topic. In the great cosmopolitan metropolis I call home, rudeness is an everyday fact of life. A goodly portion of my own work as a life coach concerns helping people to learn how to deal with it effectively.

Deal with rudeness badly or ineffectively and we suffer psychological and even physical stress. Deal with it well, as Forni puts it, with civility, and our self-respect, character, and relationships improve.

If this is true, then you have to wonder why the psycho-professions have not flooded the world with such manuals. Why is it that the topic has only drawn the attention of sociologists and etiquette experts? The skill is surely more important than getting in touch with your inner spirituality.

Rudeness aims at one's place in society. In a community like New York where the extraordinary mix of peoples and cultures makes any determination of status and standing ambiguous at best, rudeness is a way to see how we stand in relation to others on the social hierarchy. Rudeness tests who is up and who is down, who is in and who is out, who is putting on airs and who is up to the task.

Ups and downs are part of the way we talk about these issues. We want to stand up for ourselves when others are trying to put us down. And Dr. Forni correctly asserts, we want to do so without making fools of ourselves, without engaging in histrionic displays, without diminishing ourselves. We need to reply to rudeness without becoming aggressive, contentious, litigious,or argumentative.

When someone is rude, we do not want to slap him down; we want to offer him the opportunity to recognize his fault and to back down voluntarily.

Perhaps Dr. Forni is too optimistic that civility can diminish the sting of rudeness and restore relationship harmony. I have often been accused of the same thing myself. We know that civility may not be an appropriate response to every act of rudeness, it is surely the place to start. Before trying other ways to respond we need to exhaust the resource of civility.

3 out of 5 stars

Quick scripts June 27, 2008
1 out of 3 found this review helpful

About: How to handle rude folks in a multitude of situations

Pros: Quick read, interesting, includes many "scripts" of example situations and responses.

Cons: Life rarely goes according to script. Quotes that open each chapter are usually from people you've never heard of. Doesn't cover technologies newer than e-mail, such as IM.

5 out of 5 stars

Another Winner!! June 13, 2008
24 out of 25 found this review helpful

PM Forni has done it again! He has written another compact volume that is quite smart while also being quite simple, and which is exceedingly erudite while also being quite accessible. Most of all, The Civility Solution is eminently and immediately useful. Building on his prior best-selling success in Choosing Civility, Forni has created the perfect companion volume which answers the reciprocal question, "OK, now that we think we know how to be more civil, what do we do when people continue to be rude to us?" It may be simple, but it is not always easy, because common sense is seldom common practice. Even though I was able to use several of Forni's practical suggestions on the train home from NYC just yesterday, in its consideration of what rudeness is and how to respond to it, The Civility Solution underscores that the real solutions lie in ourselves and our own efforts to be good and decent and civil people. As a psychotherapist, I am able to suggest PM Forni's books as primers in how to become a better person and demonstrate one's preferred vision of oneself, one's character, and of one's future, at home, at work, and in the marketplace, as well as to learn ways to deal with others who behave less than admirably.

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