April 10 2007

Is it me or does it seem like there has been an exponential increase and a raft of celebrities hawking their own wine over the course of the last year or two?
I can count 15 celebrities that easily come to mind and no doubt there are many more that that.
Ironically enough, most of these well-known wine pushing folks have undoubtedly had their Q Score, a way to measure the familiarity and appeal of a brand, celebrity, or television show, much higher during the salad days of their career. I’m talking about folks like race car driver Mario Andretti, figure skater Peggy Fleming, crooner Barry Manilow, golfer Arnold Palmer, 80s rock star Vince Neil and a host of others.
This got me thinking, since I’ve been on something of a television-related blog post run lately, that all of these celebrities that have decided to come out with a wine line would make a fine line-up for the VH1 television show “The Surreal Life.”
The premise of the show is classic reality television—take five or six diverging personalities and throw them into a house for a while and film the results. The Surreal Life adds the extra element of having faded glory celebrities as their houseguests instead of alpha personality everyday people. Think Peter Brady from the Brady Bunch, Ron Jeremy, porn star, Tammy Faye Baker, or Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movies.
It all adds up to something pretty close to watching a train wreck in slow motion.
Usually, The Surreal Life sucks me in on a Saturday morning marathon instead of the aggressive day of yard work or errands I had previously planned.
I did a review of all 6 seasons of the The Surreal Life and came out with his approximation of the casting—which generally seems to fit into archetypes from season to season.
Cast members generally fall into one of the following six categories:
• Sex Appeal: Models, former Playboy Playmates, et al
• Reality TV celebrity: Generally somebody less famous than the faded glory B-list stars in order to create tension about who is more famous, think alumni from Survivor or The Apprentice
• Nostalgia TV celebrity: A much beloved figure from TV days gone by examples like Erik Estrada from C.H.I.P.S and Dave Coulier from the TV show Full House
• Sideshow tent/Curiosity/Person of interest: Tammy Faye Baker, Ron Jeremy, Verne Troyer (a.k.a. Mini-Me), Flavor Flav
• Career Recovery celebrity: Somebody just out of the public consciousness interested in re-establishing themselves like Vanilla Ice, or just simply trying to rub two nickels together based on faded glory
• Musician/Musical Artist: CC Deville, Vince Neil, “Pepa” from 80’s rap group Salt N Pepa, et al
As I reviewed this simple casting categorization, I submit for your approval, my own suggestion for season 7 of The Surreal Life: Wine Edition—all folks that have a wine label with their name associated.
• Sex Appeal: Savanna Samson, porn star with her Sogno Uno label
• Reality TV Star: I’m still waiting for Rob & Amber to come up with something, in the meantime, we’ll go with Lorraine Bracco from the Soprano’s and her Bracco wines
• Nostalgia TV celebrity: Dan Akroyd, late of Saturday Night Live and a bunch of movies that haven’t stood the test of time. He has a line of Canadian wine
• Side show tent/Curiosity/person of interest: Tommy Lasorda, former LA Dodgers manager and general pitchman from the 80s. He has a line of wine due this summer.
• Career Recovery celebrity: Jeff Bridges has partnered on a line of wines to benefit charity
• Muscian/Artist: Vince Neil, a veteran of the first The Surreal Life, gets another reality show chance to promote his Vince Vineyard wines
Folks that didn’t make the cut: Mick Fleetwood, Mario Andretti, Joe Montana, Larry Bird, Jeff Gordon, Barry Manilow.
I think it would be compelling television and since they always do manufactured drama and have some sort of game element on these shows, I recommend a double-blind tasting of everybody’s wines to see how bad they fail at identifying their own vino.
What do you think? Did I miss anybody?
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