Good Grape Wine Company

September 16 2008

A Sunset, Wine and the Moray Eel

Still basking in the afterglow from a short trip out to San Diego to visit good friends Ed and Jen, I hunted up an email from Ed from last summer.  A California 25 year California State Lifeguard, he’s always got a great story in his back pocket.

Last Friday, Ed, Jen and my wife and I took his RV up to Cardiff-by-the-Sea for some beach side sunset watching and some wine before hitting the Chart House for a great dinner.  My tasting notes aren’t all that important, but the 1994 Cakebread Merlot, with notes of black cherry, black raspberry, Dr. Pepper, dust, black olive and sage was made all the more enjoyable by a spirited re-telling of the below story.

This is why I befriend cool people in cool places—his stories beats the pants off my stories and, well, Cardiff beats the pants off suburban Indianapolis, IN, too.  But, we have a grrrrreat cost of living. 

Ed and the Moray Eel by Ed Vodrazka

*Editors Note* Story takes place in San Diego at a stretch of state owned beach just south of Torrey Pines.  And, if I’m not mistaken Black’s Beach is a clothing optional beach where dudes go into standing, statuesque full repose. 

Last week someone caught a Moray Eel near Black’s Beach, then dumped it in a small pool in the tide pool area…the thing would have soon died…thus I was summoned to help.  With an anxious crowd of 20 gathering, I got into the pool with the 4-foot serpent to “rescue him”. 

The image that was in the forefront of my mind was the video I had been sent the previous month.  It was of a French diver who was being filmed while he was feeding hot dogs to a similar-looking Moray Eel.  All was fine until he ran out of dogs before the Morey was “full”.  When the Frenchman opened his hands to show the eel there was nothing left, the Moray simply chomped his jaws squarely around the Frenchman’s thumb.  The filmmaker captured the unfolding drama of the man’s underwater screams and the flowing stream of blood rising in the salt water.  Then suddenly the film stopped…the next image was the Frenchman in his hotel room some days later, holding up a stubby little joint where his thumb used to be. 

Anyways, that image was in my mind when I carefully managed to coax my own Moray successfully into a laundry basket (all I could find on short notice).  My hero status soon abated and the cheers quickly died when I realized that the Morey had a substantial fishhook (with line) embedded deep in his mouth (past those shiny white teeth).  Clearly, my Buddhist conscience would not allow me to go with my initial plan of quickly flopping him back into the sea while I could turn and address the adoring crowd. 

I brought him back to the shade of the jeep while, unfortunately the crowd had now grown to over 50 (did I mention it was Memorial Day?).  I cannot remember ever reading the directions for fish hook removal from a live Morey Eel in any of our Lifeguard Manuals…so sort of had to “wing it”.  A high-strung woman stood uncomfortably close to me and decided to point out (loudly) a helpful little nugget of insight…stating “his teeth are huge!” 

I grabbed a pair of pliers and tried to hold the Morey down on the sand for the extraction…but in a second, I discovered a major problem…No sooner than I tried hold the eel’s head down on the sand; I discovered that how incredibly strong they are.  While securing the “business end” of the creature, he immediately wrapped his entire body around my forearm so tightly that we had instantly reversed roles…I felt every muscle in my forearm being squeezed…he had now become the “holder” and I the “holdee”.  Once my forearm was adequately secured, he simply levered his slimy head out of my paltry grip…and despite my attempt to hold that eel with all my strength, he effortlessly slithered his head free of my hand.  Oddly, in that instant the phrase “slippery as an eel” popped into my mind and I realized that I was clearly in way over my head.  In the next nano-second, “securing the thing” now became the last thing I wanted to do…and “releasing” the serpent became a far more desirable goal.  However, he would not let go of me.  There was his mouth, all agape with those white teeth glaring at me.  At this point in the action the high-strung woman who, for some reason had crowded even closer to me, decided (in an apparent attempt to calm me down) to scream “LOOK OUT FOR THE TEETH!!!” at around 700 decibels.  As if my awareness could be ANYWHERE ELSE besides on those teeth.  I made a fist to protect my fingers to minimize the chances that he might mistake them for a hot dog and shook my arm as if it was on fire.  Suffice to say it was not my most graceful moment.  While I continued to fling my arm wildly, my mind flashed on my beautiful Collings guitar at home…and I hoped that I would get through this ordeal with the ability to play it again one day with all ten of my digits. 

By the grace of Neptune, he released me and fell back onto the sand.  The disappointed crowd watched the flop dismount which marked the end of the first round of our encounter.  The score: Moray -1, Lifeguard - 0. 

Now I love wildlife as much as the next guy, but I’ll admit that at that point I seriously considered kicking the friggin’ eel back into the surf line to let him work out his little “fishhook dilemma” on his own.  My compassion surfaced, as I knew that he could not eat with that thing in, and if I did not get it out, he would certainly die.  And, more to the point, the crowd had grown even larger and now included several amazed children who stood in awe of me.  I could not let them see what a wuss I was…(even though I will admit to you that I am). 
 
With the eel staring up at me defiantly waiting my opening move of round #2, I had a rare moment of intelligent thought.  I knew I was not going to try the “slimy slip grab” maneuver again.  Instead, I grabbed a hand full of sand and covered him with it.  He was still unbelievably strong and still pretty damned slimy, but at least now the luster of his slime had been somewhat abated.  In truth, he no longer looked like the deadly “finger killer” that I had perceived him to be.  Now, covered with a healthy dusting of beach sand, he looked little more ferocious than a breaded veal cutlet. 

We entered back into the scrum for round two…and he still had plenty of slimy strength.  The fight was considerable.  It was my 160 pounds of middle aged pudge versus his 5 pounds of pure, unbridled muscle ripping, lean, mean, venomous, rip your face off by your lips, torqued and loaded snake-like tension maxed, piss and vinegar. 

Well, it was not pretty and it was not smooth but in the end, I stepped away breathing hard, with a generous helping of slime from my fingertips up to my biceps…but he had flopped back onto the sand with the majority of his orophaynx intact.  And, more importantly in my right hand was a pair of pliers that held a partially bent, rust stained, #3 fishhook.  The crowd, of course went wild. 

Seconds later I flopped the eel back in the surf line where he slithered through the inside waves to reunite with his eel-kin.  I am sure his version of the story will be a little bit different…but trust me, I have witnesses…I won.  Regardless, the eel was free to return to a far more normal life.  The one thing we would most certainly agree upon is that we’d both happy to never see each other again. 

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